When you start developing symptoms of a chronic illness or you get diagnosed, you would hope that your friends would have your back. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always happen that way.

There are a variety of ways to handle friends that don’t understand. In my experience, you need to first decide if this is someone that you want to stay in your life.

If you do want to continue the friendship, first I would ask them to sit down and have an open conversation about something important. Make sure they’re in the headspace to have a conversation like this. Don’t bombard them when they’re preoccupied with something stressful in their life. Once you’re sitting down, communicate to them how you’ve been feeling using “I” statements so you’re less likely to make your friend feel defensive or attacked. Talk about what’s been bothering you and if they’re open to it, let them know how they can better support you. In our society, we’re not taught how to be there for people with chronic, invisible issues. Your friend might think they’re saying and doing the right things with the best of intentions, even if they’re hurtful to you. Spend this time asking them if they have any questions and educating them. Also, make sure you’re open to their feedback. Just as you’ve been hurt by them, it’s possible they could be feeling hurt from some of your responses to their reactions to your illness. Even if their response wasn’t the right one, their feelings are still valid so make sure that you listen to them and validate them. Hopefully, you two can work together to strengthen your friendship going forward.

If you don’t want to keep this person in your life, there is nothing wrong with completely cutting ties with them. If your “friend” blatantly doesn’t respect you, accuses you of faking, or treats you like trash, you have no obligation to continue that friendship. Someone like this isn’t likely to change, so please consider distancing yourself from them for your own mental health. Set strong boundaries, stand up for yourself when necessary, and don’t tolerate their poor behavior. Don’t waste your energy with futile attempts to explain your situation to them. However, don’t sink to their level either. Just because they’re treating you badly, it doesn’t mean you should return the favor. It’s hard, but I’d encourage you to be the bigger person and just walk away.

Most importantly, remember that someone else’s opinion of you doesn’t determine your self-worth. You know that your illness is valid, and that’s all that matters.