Welcome To Dani’s Diary
Submit your questions by clicking the button below
They are anonymous, always (promise)
Ask Me Anything
Are you curious about my style, what my favorite hair products are, how I manage my illness & my social life? What I eat, my values, favorite recipes, songs, and people? Or maybe you just want to get to know me a little better…
Whatever the reason is, I invite you to do all of the above in Dani’s Diary.
Here’s how it works.
You submit your questions (anonymously) through the button (found below & above), and once a month, I will read through them & post them here. It’s as simple as that. I do ask, however, ask that you be respectful and kind when asking your questions, and I promise to always be respectful and kind when responding to them; I will give you my honest opinion but will never undervalue your experience or perspective.
It’s important to me that you feel safe here.
Safe to share.
Safe to be you—always.
Here are your most recent questions & my answers!
Wanting to see more? Here is an archive of Dani’s Diary (previous questions asked & answered).
If you could go back in time, what advice would you give yourself at your sickest?
This is tough one because there are so many things that I could say. I think the most important would be: "it gets better, don't lose hope. You might not get all of the answers, but you'll be okay." During that time I felt lost and a little hopeless. I was worried I'd be doomed to feel that sick forever because I was trying so many therapies to improve my symptoms and nothing was working. My physical progress has gone up and down, but my emotional progress is the most constant and essential. I may physically being doing worse at times, but I've learned how to more easily cope with what I'm given on each day. I would tell myself to be more gentle with myself and to give myself a break because I'm doing the best I can.
What’s the best way to deal with a friend that doesn’t understand your illness?
It depends on exactly how they're acting, how close you are to them, and whether or not you want to remain friends with that person. With time, I've really changed how I approach this. When it comes to people I'm close to, I try to nicely and calmly educate them. If you snap at them immediately, they're not going to want to learn. You'll just annoy them. If you do try to calmly speak with them about how you're feeling and explain why you feel that way and they still don't believe you or are mean to you, that's when you have to decide if you want this person in your life. If you do, you need to come to terms with the fact that this person isn't someone you can lean on. If you can reasonably do that, then absolutely go forward. If you can't, you likely will need to sever ties. Some people just aren't able to give you what you think you need. If you keep trying to force the situation, you're going to end up simultaneously feeling extremely hurt while also acting unfairly towards them. I have some friends I adore that I almost never talk to about my illness, and we still have a great friendship! It works because I'm aware of the support they can/can't give so I don't expect any more than that. Conversely, there are people I've had to end friendships with or they've ended friendships with me. It's so hurtful but sadly there just isn't much you can do in that situation except try to move on.
What are your tips for making friends on social media?
Be patient! Follow people you think you'd like and start interacting with them. Like and comment nice things on their posts, send them messages here and there, and take it slow! It can take a little time but it's so worth it! You don't want to turn someone away because they get annoyed that you're messaging them three times a day.
Do you ever feel guilty advocating for yourself?
YES. It's unfortunately so necessary and sometimes I don't feel guilty, but a lot of the time I do. I don't want to be that needy, obnoxious patient nobody wants to deal with. When I have to consistently advocate for myself to the same provider, it makes me really uncomfortable because I never want to take more of their time than they're able to give. At the end of the day though, you just have to remember that if everyone did their job properly, you wouldn't have to advocate for yourself. That's not a jab at providers at all whatsoever - sometimes people forget, or the office staff forgets, or a message gets lost, or a ton of other silly explanations so the office just needs a little reminder to get you what you need.
What was the hardest part of having an illness growing up?
Definitely being unable to fully keep up with my peers. It felt like I had to work three times as hard to be half as fit as everyone else. I came down with colds and flus often, I was taken out of sports due to numerous injuries, and even when I was "healthy," I still wasn't at the same level everyone else was. It felt like I was constantly fighting to get nowhere at times. All I wanted was to play professional soccer and there were so many obstacles in my way. I'm grateful that it wasn't harder than it was, but it was still challenging to grapple with during a time when we didn't fully know what was going on, and when tools to cope with that weren't readily available.
To dress comfortable and fashionably? like not track pants and band t shirt?
I'm going to have either a more extensive blog post or an ebook JUST on this topic, but I'll dive into it a little bit here as well. The key is to adjust your style and taste so you're wearing comfortable clothes that make you feel confident. For example, my favorite staple in my closet are hands down my mom jeans. They're intended to have a looser fit, so you're not even looking like a slob choosing to wear those!! I prefer to dress them up with a cropped fitted shirt, but the great thing about mom jeans is that you can also wear a looser shirt and still look really cute. My go-to look when I feel really awful is to pair my mom jeans with a slightly cropped loosely fit shirt that just hits the waist of the jeans (because they're high waisted!!) and sneakers! The outfit consists of all loosely fit, comfortable pieces but you don't LOOK messy, and that's the key! Another favorite of mine are flowy pants. They're not as rigid as jeans, are loose, comfortable, and look so stylish. You can grab a pair with a pattern, pair it with a loose shirt and sandals or sneakers and you'll look incredible even though it took essentially no effort. I prefer to make my "statement" pieces my most comfortable items so that when I don't feel confident, I can at least be confident in my outfit choice!
Could you talk more about your style? how you dress, why you like it, where you shop etc?
My style is my form of self expression. I strongly believe you can tell a lot about a person by the way they dress. I'm inspired by so many aesthetics. Everything from '60s boho, to '80s and '90s grunge, to current trends. I guess I'd define it as edgy boho with a touch of athleisure? I love my style because it's versatile. I love that my friends and family can never predict how I'll show up to an event. They know I'll look fashionable, but they never know if it'll be a subdued vibe with mom jeans and a cropped tee, or a more elevated vibe with a cute dress and platform sandals. People always say to me that they could never pull off a lot of the things that I wear, and I don't think that's true. It's not about what you think you can pull off, it's being confident wearing it that's the key. If you make others think you're confident in how you look, it'll make them think you look great too!
Talk us through your favorite ever songs?
OH BOYYYYY. This would be the blog post that'd never end, so I'm just going to narrow it down to a few. I'm going to have a ton of posts all about my relationship with music, so don't worry we'll cover them all eventually!
"Midnight City" by M83: I fell in love with this song during my freshman year of college. I had never heard anything so magical before. It came during a time when I had more recently completely distanced myself from the church. I didn't realize it at the time, but there was something missing where that feeling of belonging used to be. I had just moved to Boston and had never felt more at home in my life. There's a line in the song that goes "the city is my church" and it was my anthem that could get me through anything. I was going through a hard time with family and friends, but going for a walk and listening to that song always made me feel better.
"Closer to the Edge" by Thirty Seconds to Mars: Whewww. There's a hefty story behind my relationship to Thirty Seconds to Mars, but I'll keep it brief. This song came out when I was in high school struggling between trying to fit in with everyone there while simultaneously knowing deep down that I didn't belong. I went to a preppy private school where everyone dressed pretty similarly and with few exceptions, liked a lot of the same things. Music has been a huge part of my life for as long as I could remember. It's gotten me through so many hard moments, and has given me clarity when I've needed it. This song provided the clarity I needed then. I watched the music video, and suddenly it all sunk in that trying to be someone I know I'm not isn't worth it. With just one watch, I received the push I needed to break out of the mold and dress and act how I wanted to. We had a dress code and I altered how I adhered to it to technically follow the rules, but just barely. I went from khakis and sweaters to black pants, boots, and leather jackets. Even though it was challenging being so different from everyone around me, Thirty Seconds to Mars gave me the confidence I needed to be myself and I will always be grateful for that.
"Without Fear" by Dermot Kennedy: I can't tell you how hard it is to pick just ONE Dermot Kennedy song, but I did it! It's difficult to explain the emotions certain songs evoke. There are some songs you just fall in love with immediately. I had been waiting for Dermot's album to be released for over a year. I stayed up until midnight waiting for the album to drop. I was exhausted though, so I decided I'd pick one song to listen to before going to sleep. Let's just say that I made the absolute best choice. This song beautifully combines ethereal melodies and the guttural emotion Dermot is so famous for. It's one of those songs you just want to scream sing. As titled, it's about acting without fear. Whenever I'm afraid of something, have a lot of doubt, or am scared of taking a risk, I play this song to help me get out of that negative headspace.
"Holocene" by Bon Iver: Bon Iver is another artist where it's nearly impossible to pick just one song. I could list off ten of theirs right now that I absolutely adore. Justin Vernon is a genius unlike any other. There's no one way for me to describe this song. It's just been one of those constants in my life when things get a little too heavy and I need to get lost in my head... or cry in the tub. If you haven't had a good cry to Bon Iver in the tub you're seriously missing out. Bon Iver has some true cathartic power, let me tell ya.
"First Things First" by Neon Trees: Similarly to Thirty Seconds to Mars, Neon Trees has helped me get through a lot during pivotal times in my life. The singer Tyler Glenn was vulnerable and raw on social media wayyyyy back in 2009, a decade before that started to become more of the norm. He wrote on topics dear to his heart that you just didn't see people speaking about publicly. His words helped me feel understood and less alone. This song in particular I love because it's his usual fun, synth pop vibe but it's a wonderful reminder that you're not going to get everything you want in life, but you can still have a great life.
