Accepting My Illness

When I was diagnosed with my first illness, I fought against it fully convinced that if I worked hard enough, I could get better. This illness would be just a temporary “blip” in my past eventually, I thought. I was angry, bitter, and hyper-focused on every symptom. I’d analyze each one and track them to try and figure out what was wrong, with the intent of discovering a new treatment I could try to bring me closer to healing. This period was filled with terrifying uncertainty, turmoil, and desperation for validation. I felt stuck and also behind at the same time because I wouldn’t do things or start projects because I was waiting until I “got better” first.