My Chronic Illness Doesn’t Define Me, I Define It

I used to let my chronic illness define me. What I mean by that is that I felt like that’s all I was. I was an amalgamation of symptoms and diagnoses. Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, Dysautonomia, Mast Cell Activation Syndrome, fatigue, food allergies, chronic pain, all labels that described my state of being because I wasn’t living for anything. I spent my days resting or going to appointments and getting all of my treatments done.

I just existed.

After a while, I didn’t want to live that way anymore, but I wasn’t sure how to get out of it. I began reading a little again, and following people on social media that inspired me to strive for more than I currently was.

I slowly learned that I can’t choose how my body functions, but I can choose how I react to it. How I cope with it. How I care for it. How I talk about it.

I realized that it was the lack of control over my conditions that stifled me because a chronic illness can be unpredictable. Surrendering to that unpredictability is what eventually set me free.

I can either decide to give myself grace for my limitations or I can get angry at my body for not being able to do more. I can strive for peace and be able to cultivate gratitude and joy, or I can choose to be angry and stuck in the victim mindset.

If you’re feeling like your illness is your entire identity, that’s okay. If you’re angry or depressed, that’s also okay. None of us are doing anything wrong one way or the other, there is no judgment here. Everyone is at different stages of their journey and it takes time (and therapy!) to move through each one.

I just want you to know what helps me.

I just want you to know that it can take a while, but it does get better. Even if you don’t physically improve, emotionally you get stronger. You can learn to cope with your circumstances in a healthy way. You can learn to start identifying parts of yourself that aren’t related to being sick.

You can find yourself again - even if you look and feel different than you did before.